So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
