May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
