mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
