She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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