You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
