Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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