I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
