dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
