Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
