Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
you never un-have a 4some
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
