Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
