I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
ttyl tear gas
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
