Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
