I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
