I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
