Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
