At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
