well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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