Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
