I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
