I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
now i know why i became what i already was.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
