I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
