so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize