where am i from again
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
