I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
