Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
