Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
