we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
