we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
