wanna go halves on a baby?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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