If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
