What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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