I wish I only lived at night.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
