i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
