Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
