my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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