I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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