fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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