The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Why did my mother make you get naked?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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