Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
