I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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