i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
