I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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