Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
