So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
