i barfeds in our rink
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
