My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
