Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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