he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
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Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize