my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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