I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
