so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
