Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
