so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
