He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
