I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
