she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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