dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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