I got chris browned last night
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
