look no pants
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
