The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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