OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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