Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
