I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
