Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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