My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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