Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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