Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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