FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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