I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
