Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
