if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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