I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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