were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
