If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
