I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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