I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
