i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
