She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
