theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
