i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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