So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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