I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
