mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
