i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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