Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
